Emotional abuse can look like many things. It can be one person trying to control another person. It can be a type of deceit in words that we sometimes call gaslighting. It can be one person habitually belittling another person. At the other end of the spectrum is emotional neglect.
In a relationship, two people share words and ideas. They touch each other. They express their emotions with each other. The relationship becomes closer as they share more together. What happens to the relationship, then, when one side neglects to share themselves? Sometimes the relationship dies off naturally, each person going their separate ways. Other times, the two people remain together in a one-sided relationship, one needing support from the other and not getting it.
What does emotional neglect look like?
First, it’s important to understand that emotional neglect is not easy to detect. Whereas verbal and physical abuse are in the open for people to hear and see, neglect is in the negative space. It’s a lack of emotional support. It’s a failure to meet a person’s emotional needs. Emotional needs are feelings or conditions we need to feel happy, fulfilled, or at peace. Without them, we may feel frustrated, hurt, or dissatisfied. The person whose emotional needs are not being met may only be aware of a vague feeling that something is wrong, and he or she may not be able to express what the problem is.
A person who has been denied emotional support from another may feel:
- empty
- unwanted
- disconnected from others
- like she is different from everyone else
- guilty for not being able to trust someone
An emotionally neglected person will often turn inward, blaming themselves for the problem they feel.
What causes emotional neglect in a relationship?
When someone depends on another for emotional support, such as a child depends on a parent, and a wife depends on a husband, there is a need for that support to be fulfilled. Neglect happens when parents do not offer enough structure in the household, not holding to rules or moral guidelines that the child can follow. In a marriage relationship neglect can occur when a spouse becomes self-centred and looks to their own needs, leaving their spouse’s needs in limbo. Emotional neglect is not a one-time occurrence, but rather a habitual pattern of behaviour (or lack of behaviour).
Emotional neglect often occurs when one half of the relationship transfers the emotional support they should have been giving the other half to someone else. For instance, a husband could be having an emotional affair with another woman, neglecting his wife’s needs. Or, a wife could be concentrating entirely on her children, leaving her husband feeling unwanted and unneeded.
Lack of physical contact can also fall under the category of emotional neglect since emotional closeness is so often expressed with physical touch.
What are the effects of emotional neglect?
A child who has been emotionally neglected by their parents may grow up struggling with self-discipline. Because their parents did not care enough to discipline them and teach them what is right and what is wrong, they sadly have to learn it on their own. That is a difficult thing to do alone.
A wife who has been emotionally neglected by her husband might struggle with her self-worth. She could become depressed or anxious. Even if she leaves the relationship, she may not be able to fully trust another man again.
Emotionally neglected people are often compassionate to others, but very hard on themselves. They feel like they were born wrong, and so they mentally beat themselves up and deny themselves the self-love and self-care they need to feel better.
Conclusion
It’s not uncommon for a relationship to experience emotional neglect at one time or another. This can result from an individual feeling isolated or neglected when they’re not given enough attention, love, and affection from their partner. If you feel as if your partner is emotionally withholding, it may be time to address these feelings with them so that you both understand each other more fully. Even if this means considering whether or not staying together is worth it anymore.
If you enjoyed reading this article and are looking for an accredited Acceptance and Commitment Therapist, then feel free to contact me via my contact form that can be found by clicking HERE, or if you’d like to know more about me then please click HERE. Click here if you’d like to know more about a counsellor and here is you’d like to know more about a therapist.
No Comments